I instinctively knew I was going to like her the minute we met! She had a denim dress on, was sporting a nearly bald hairdo due to her disease and each hair she did have was standing up and out as if waving at you a bold "How do you do!" salutation, and she owned an aggressive handshake with blue black hands, again, due to disease.
There was nothing timid about her. She was right up front telling me about her prognosis with the autoimmune disorder and its bad lab values revealing liver and kidney damage. However, she never mentioned giving up the fight, quitting, or any form of surrender.
In fact, she was working out on a treadmill. She sought out new treatment modalities frequently. "Hey Becki, ever drink any of that new fangled health drink everyone is trying to cure anything from toenail fungus to cancer?" She asked with wide open eyes. but she followed traditional medicine's prescribed plan with the hope of buying some more time.
Not that she believed in taking her medications like the doctor ordered. Oh no! She was always juggling the dose or stopping one of them just to see if it would make her feel better. Silly me would try to warn her, "You better cut that out! You need to talk to your doctor first. You're going to get yourself in a crisis!"
Then I'd try to explain the purpose of each medication, the side effects, the dangers of abruptly discontinuing one with a slow decrease, and only with the doctor's approval. Then she would grin at me and agree with all I said just to humor me.
Sometimes we'd 'go out to lunch to a nice little local diner close to her home. She'd have an outrageously beautiful blonde, shoulder length wig on, or maybe her dazzling auburn curly one that so complimented her pale milky smooth skin and gorgeous blue eyes. I would find myself staring at her and thinking how very striking she was even then
.
Sitting there dining over beans and cornbread she'd start in on me, "Now, listen, you got to keep your intestines active. I've got a new natural fiber laxative pill that'll do the trick. The bottle says to just take one or two, but I take four or five depending on my need. Works like a charm every time!"
Then another friend who had joined us spoke up and warned, "Hey, you guys, better be careful with those all natural pills. Look here at this photo in this book I'm reading. Here is the statement with it of what happens if you go off the pills the doctor ordered!"
One look at that photo in the book and my dear friend's eyes bulged as she blurted out, "Hey man, don't be freaking me out with that #### in that crazy book!" I nearly choked laughing at her! The old hippy girl had risen! She wasn't going to read or speak of getting worse!
One day a few weeks later I called to check on her and she admitted with reservation, "Well Becki, it's not good. The numbers are pretty bad now."
I didn't wait for an invitation. I called another close friend of hers and we drove the hour to see her without much conversation between us. Even with the seriousness of the situation, I couldn't help but smile when we walked up to the back door and chickens scattered. We'd see n her before shoo them away, scolding, "Damn chickens! They're everywhere. Want some eggs? They multiply worse than rabbits."
I knew she was weak, but to see her unable to walk, unable to feed herself, and trying hard just to communicate pleasantries was hard. We chatted for a while and prayed with her but then I knew we needed to let her rest. Her parents and her husband were grateful we made the visit. "We'll be back soon. You sleep, take your pain medication as the doctor ordered." I wanted to just be the friend but the nurse kept nudging me to speak up. I wanted to pick her up and rock her, to tell her how really neato and cool I thought she was, (words she liked) and I hoped to hear her curse the poor chickens again.
But I told myself that I'd be back and we would talk some more, maybe I could get her to laugh again. I was certain of more time. I was out of town for 5 days and when I arrived home I called her but he person that answered said she had died the day before.
I was so sure I would have more time to allow her to talk to me about dying and more time for me to tell her how much I appreciated her strength, her humor, her boldness, her laxative pills, her style, her never-say-die attitude.
And now, after nearly 17 years ago that she left us, all the people I've been with since then who were in Hospice taught me that she knows exactly how I felt, she knew my heart then and still does today. We will laugh again.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
A NEW FRIEND
I love traveling! I enjoy airports and people watching. You can see so much happening in such a short amount of time. There is a mass of emotions and energy all over the map of people arriving to their destination, people leaving to return home, attend business meetings, making that visit to family and friends, heading back to a childhood town for a funeral, an appointment to the Mayo, or a major cancer treatment facility, people seeking the sun and warmth, or the ski resorts.
What fascinates me as I sit at our gate is the wide range of behavior. WE are all so very human, sometimes rude, kind, forgiving, angry, grief stricken, full of laughter and joy. And yet, the spark of the Divine bears witness in moments that can warm your heart and give you a reminder that there remains hope for mankind after all.
I was blessed on this trip with a visit with a young man who taught me so much in just a matter of four hours. I wanted to hear his life story. He has known adversity, triumphs, challenges, gifts, and has the most beautiful soul with a wide open heart that took my breath away.
In his younger days he knew: loss of beloved relationships, a fire that destroyed everything he owned except for a vase and one of his two cats, two close dear friends killed in an auto accident by a drunk driver, one very close friend murdered, and then nearly died himself but was rewarded with an amazing near death experience. He is all about The Love of God in every moment of his daily life. He has so very much to share in his story that I can't begin to tell you all of it here. But let me just say, I walked away from my time with him with a healthy reminder of why we are here.
Every encounter, every conversation, every relationship, or chance meeting is infused with the opportunity to bless one another. We know this down deep in our souls, but we get busy trying to make the dollar, find the perfect love, survive the pain, figure out government...
The opportunities for us to Return to The Love are everywhere. What is it you want to do different this year? I certainly have my list. I hope not to have to survive a near death experience to 'wake up'!
Never forget that you are here with authentic purpose! You are loved unconditionally beyond your wildest imagination! Make time to: get healthy, forgive those who have wounded you, forgive yourself too, honor the Earth and pet a kitty, protect the air and water, look at every meal and ponder how many were involved to get this dish on your table: the farmer, the reaper, etc. See people with new vision: all precious in God's eyes!
My new friend's story is in his book: The Key Master by Peter Anthony. Bless you Peter for all you do for so many! What an honor to have spent time with you!
What fascinates me as I sit at our gate is the wide range of behavior. WE are all so very human, sometimes rude, kind, forgiving, angry, grief stricken, full of laughter and joy. And yet, the spark of the Divine bears witness in moments that can warm your heart and give you a reminder that there remains hope for mankind after all.
I was blessed on this trip with a visit with a young man who taught me so much in just a matter of four hours. I wanted to hear his life story. He has known adversity, triumphs, challenges, gifts, and has the most beautiful soul with a wide open heart that took my breath away.
In his younger days he knew: loss of beloved relationships, a fire that destroyed everything he owned except for a vase and one of his two cats, two close dear friends killed in an auto accident by a drunk driver, one very close friend murdered, and then nearly died himself but was rewarded with an amazing near death experience. He is all about The Love of God in every moment of his daily life. He has so very much to share in his story that I can't begin to tell you all of it here. But let me just say, I walked away from my time with him with a healthy reminder of why we are here.
Every encounter, every conversation, every relationship, or chance meeting is infused with the opportunity to bless one another. We know this down deep in our souls, but we get busy trying to make the dollar, find the perfect love, survive the pain, figure out government...
The opportunities for us to Return to The Love are everywhere. What is it you want to do different this year? I certainly have my list. I hope not to have to survive a near death experience to 'wake up'!
Never forget that you are here with authentic purpose! You are loved unconditionally beyond your wildest imagination! Make time to: get healthy, forgive those who have wounded you, forgive yourself too, honor the Earth and pet a kitty, protect the air and water, look at every meal and ponder how many were involved to get this dish on your table: the farmer, the reaper, etc. See people with new vision: all precious in God's eyes!
My new friend's story is in his book: The Key Master by Peter Anthony. Bless you Peter for all you do for so many! What an honor to have spent time with you!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
AT THIS TABLE
Well here we are beginning another New Year. I love a new day, a new month, and especially a new year!! We all start thinking about what we do to: improve our health, make new goals, change our careers, etc. Many years ago a patient told me that we need to always bring Love to every table. I started thinking about this last week.
At the breakfast table, let us bring Love to each one sitting there, blessing the cook, giving grace for our food, noticing each soul sitting there!
At the conference room table, let us consider each one arriving for the meeting, praying for peace and Love and understanding, allowing compassion and sensibility to reign!
At the exam table in the doctor's office, let those of us in the medical field consider the possibility of fear and spend time consoling, educating, and listening with Love.
At the coffee table let us sit with family/friends/neighbors sharing a warm peppermint tea, and laughter or abundant Love as one might share a need, a prayer request, a broken heart.
Bringing Love, Compassion, and Gratitude to every table we offer one another a new Hope that in this New Year we can usher down the Love of Christ, or as some say Christ Consciousness, that embraces everyone who enters our sphere of daily living. We give in person or we send out in prayers the Energy that scientists now tell us truly works, makes a difference! Our thoughts, our words, our actions have this Energy that lasts forever, we are told!
Bless each of you as you receive Love and give Love in 2014 and all your New Years!!
At the breakfast table, let us bring Love to each one sitting there, blessing the cook, giving grace for our food, noticing each soul sitting there!
At the conference room table, let us consider each one arriving for the meeting, praying for peace and Love and understanding, allowing compassion and sensibility to reign!
At the exam table in the doctor's office, let those of us in the medical field consider the possibility of fear and spend time consoling, educating, and listening with Love.
At the coffee table let us sit with family/friends/neighbors sharing a warm peppermint tea, and laughter or abundant Love as one might share a need, a prayer request, a broken heart.
Bringing Love, Compassion, and Gratitude to every table we offer one another a new Hope that in this New Year we can usher down the Love of Christ, or as some say Christ Consciousness, that embraces everyone who enters our sphere of daily living. We give in person or we send out in prayers the Energy that scientists now tell us truly works, makes a difference! Our thoughts, our words, our actions have this Energy that lasts forever, we are told!
Bless each of you as you receive Love and give Love in 2014 and all your New Years!!
Thursday, December 26, 2013
THE PICKET FENCE
It was a lovely Christmas celebration on Christmas Eve with family. We ate and we laughed and enjoyed just being together. Christmas Day we were invited to a dear friend's home for some of his sumptuous cooking with a delicious homemade veggie pot pie and potato casserole that had water chestnuts on top covered in a creamy sauce, just to mention a few of the dishes!
We had the pleasure of meeting one of the guests for the first time. Oh my! She is beautiful, charming, and a wonderful story teller! She captured my attention right off the bat! After we had settled down at the feast of a meal in the dining room which was decorated with such style and detail, she told us a little about herself.
She said that all of the homes that she has owned in her adult life had picket fences. If she bought one and it didn't have one, she had one built. "Let me explain." She continued.
"As a child my sister and I would ride in the back seat of the family car for over eight hours every Christmas, and other visits as well, to go see our Grandmother. Our Father would get us up early and take us to get donuts, then get us situated in the car and head to Texas.
My Grandmother's farm had a long winding gravel road entry bordered by huge mature trees on either side. As Grandmother anticipated our arrival, she would listen for the noise of our car making its way to the house, hearing the popping and crunching of the gravel!
She would welcome us with big love, hugs and kisses. It was such a sweet time visiting her. Her home had a picket fence that had a small vegetable garden in it and a rose arbor. We would spend time in the summer helping her pick the veggies and often sit under one of the garden's large mimosa trees while we snapped beans. There are so many loving memories that were created right there in that space, within the confines of the picket fence.
It took me years to figure out why each of the homes in my adult years with my picket fences didn't seem to measure up, didn't make me as happy as it did as a child. But with time I began to realize that it really wasn't the picket fence that filled me with joy. It was the unconditional love of my Grandmother and all the fun and happy memories that were stored in my young heart."
I sat there like I was hypnotized as she filled my head with images and wanting to have had the honor of knowing her Grandmother!!
These are the gifts that matter most all of our lives. It's not about how much money we can spend on our children, how big and shiny our toys are as adults, but instead it's the time well spent together: playing games that make us laugh till our sides ache, pulling out the box of old photos stored under aunt Lucille's bed, having a family reunion and recording the elders' stories of long ago, to truly 'hear' one another, 'see' one another.
It is my prayer for each of you as the New Year begins that you will make very special memories with your loved ones and dear friends that they will carry with them all their days and into eternity. For truly, as I've said before, what we take with us when we 'transition 'is the Love that is woven into the DNA of our souls, the love we gave to another and the love we received.
Blessings! Happy New Year!
Becki
We had the pleasure of meeting one of the guests for the first time. Oh my! She is beautiful, charming, and a wonderful story teller! She captured my attention right off the bat! After we had settled down at the feast of a meal in the dining room which was decorated with such style and detail, she told us a little about herself.
She said that all of the homes that she has owned in her adult life had picket fences. If she bought one and it didn't have one, she had one built. "Let me explain." She continued.
"As a child my sister and I would ride in the back seat of the family car for over eight hours every Christmas, and other visits as well, to go see our Grandmother. Our Father would get us up early and take us to get donuts, then get us situated in the car and head to Texas.
My Grandmother's farm had a long winding gravel road entry bordered by huge mature trees on either side. As Grandmother anticipated our arrival, she would listen for the noise of our car making its way to the house, hearing the popping and crunching of the gravel!
She would welcome us with big love, hugs and kisses. It was such a sweet time visiting her. Her home had a picket fence that had a small vegetable garden in it and a rose arbor. We would spend time in the summer helping her pick the veggies and often sit under one of the garden's large mimosa trees while we snapped beans. There are so many loving memories that were created right there in that space, within the confines of the picket fence.
It took me years to figure out why each of the homes in my adult years with my picket fences didn't seem to measure up, didn't make me as happy as it did as a child. But with time I began to realize that it really wasn't the picket fence that filled me with joy. It was the unconditional love of my Grandmother and all the fun and happy memories that were stored in my young heart."
I sat there like I was hypnotized as she filled my head with images and wanting to have had the honor of knowing her Grandmother!!
These are the gifts that matter most all of our lives. It's not about how much money we can spend on our children, how big and shiny our toys are as adults, but instead it's the time well spent together: playing games that make us laugh till our sides ache, pulling out the box of old photos stored under aunt Lucille's bed, having a family reunion and recording the elders' stories of long ago, to truly 'hear' one another, 'see' one another.
It is my prayer for each of you as the New Year begins that you will make very special memories with your loved ones and dear friends that they will carry with them all their days and into eternity. For truly, as I've said before, what we take with us when we 'transition 'is the Love that is woven into the DNA of our souls, the love we gave to another and the love we received.
Blessings! Happy New Year!
Becki
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
WELL DONE
I was visiting Hospice patients all over Tulsa County that winter. I hated getting out on sometimes slick roads and freezing temperatures. But the precious homes and dear patients and families and inviting warmth from the fireplaces or fake gas logs helped encourage me to keep driving!
The majority of my patients always had someone, or many, welcome me inside and were eager to fetch me a cup of coffee or hot chocolate. It was especially good to see a hospice patient surrounded by those who were hopeful of making a difference at the 'tail end' of their loved one's journey.
Sometimes as the end grew near, the moments would seem to grow especially long. And on this one particular visit it was as if time stood still and was weighing upon my heart as I gathered with those surrounding her in her final hours.
She was resting comfortably considering the scene before us. And as some of my patients have occasionally shared with me, "I feel like I'm between here and there", she wasn't responding but we all believed she could still hear us. One sister spoke with this conviction upon her lips, "Sis, I know you can hear me even now. I feel your spirit is just waiting for your tired little body to stop trying to keep you here. Please forgive my tears. I know you are going to your heavenly home and I wouldn't try to keep you here with my selfishness, but I'm just human and I'm heartbroken you are leaving me. But listen here, Sis, all of us are surrounding you wishing you 'travel mercies' for the sweetest arrival Heaven's gates have even known. 'Course now you know we are prejudice, but there you have it." She continued speaking softly in her sister's ear while stroking her now smooth brow with glistening beads of sweat.
Her sister-n-law had arrived the day before and had been at the bedside without words but with gentle application of lip moisturizer ointment, her sister's favorite perfumed lotion carefully rubbed on her frail skin and bony knees, elbows, heels and shoulders, and also tidying up the bedside table, bringing candy-cane colored carnations in a sweet porcelain vase to cheer the room.
Her already grieving children took turns standing near to hold her soft hands that were beginning to turn blue, carefully comb her still beautiful silky white hair, making attempts to sing her favorite hymns, and in these moments now coaxing her, giving her their permission too, to 'cross over' to join their Dad. "Mother, we will be OK. Go on now. We know Daddy is waiting nearby to escort you. He promised he would."
But I think the hardest part for me was helping this beloved patient's Mother who was still able to walk with her walker to draw near as close as she could to her daughter's side. I openly, quietly wept as I held her up as she tried to bend over and kiss her daughter's pale cheeks, "Sweetheart, Mother is here. This is Mother dear. Don't be afraid. You are going to see so many loved ones. I am so ready to go with you but God is keeping me here a mite longer. You tell everyone I'll come too before long." As I helped her to the love seat nearby I thought my heart was going to burst.
Then within just moments before she did pass, her oldest sister approached, pulled up the little wooden stool as close as she could get to the bed and with a deep breath began urging her little sister tenderly, against all common sense to most, against her true heart's desire, someone she had told us that she loved beyond words...to go. "Sister, your sweet little heart is weary beyond human comprehension. You can lay your precious body down now and rise up and take flight. We will all miss you but we truly will be OK. We know you have always wanted to take care of all of us, but we promise you, we will take care of ourselves. We will take extra good care of Mother..."
And with those last words, their loved one did take one more deep breath before finally letting go.
A granddaughter requested they all join hands and pray. This young but very mature woman beautifully called upon their God for all they needed in those moments and in the days, weeks, and months ahead. She then opened her Grandmother's worn Bible and read the underlined (with red ink) 1 Peter 1: 3-9
Every winter season when this time of year rolls around, I think of them and say to myself, "Well done family. Well done."
The majority of my patients always had someone, or many, welcome me inside and were eager to fetch me a cup of coffee or hot chocolate. It was especially good to see a hospice patient surrounded by those who were hopeful of making a difference at the 'tail end' of their loved one's journey.
Sometimes as the end grew near, the moments would seem to grow especially long. And on this one particular visit it was as if time stood still and was weighing upon my heart as I gathered with those surrounding her in her final hours.
She was resting comfortably considering the scene before us. And as some of my patients have occasionally shared with me, "I feel like I'm between here and there", she wasn't responding but we all believed she could still hear us. One sister spoke with this conviction upon her lips, "Sis, I know you can hear me even now. I feel your spirit is just waiting for your tired little body to stop trying to keep you here. Please forgive my tears. I know you are going to your heavenly home and I wouldn't try to keep you here with my selfishness, but I'm just human and I'm heartbroken you are leaving me. But listen here, Sis, all of us are surrounding you wishing you 'travel mercies' for the sweetest arrival Heaven's gates have even known. 'Course now you know we are prejudice, but there you have it." She continued speaking softly in her sister's ear while stroking her now smooth brow with glistening beads of sweat.
Her sister-n-law had arrived the day before and had been at the bedside without words but with gentle application of lip moisturizer ointment, her sister's favorite perfumed lotion carefully rubbed on her frail skin and bony knees, elbows, heels and shoulders, and also tidying up the bedside table, bringing candy-cane colored carnations in a sweet porcelain vase to cheer the room.
Her already grieving children took turns standing near to hold her soft hands that were beginning to turn blue, carefully comb her still beautiful silky white hair, making attempts to sing her favorite hymns, and in these moments now coaxing her, giving her their permission too, to 'cross over' to join their Dad. "Mother, we will be OK. Go on now. We know Daddy is waiting nearby to escort you. He promised he would."
But I think the hardest part for me was helping this beloved patient's Mother who was still able to walk with her walker to draw near as close as she could to her daughter's side. I openly, quietly wept as I held her up as she tried to bend over and kiss her daughter's pale cheeks, "Sweetheart, Mother is here. This is Mother dear. Don't be afraid. You are going to see so many loved ones. I am so ready to go with you but God is keeping me here a mite longer. You tell everyone I'll come too before long." As I helped her to the love seat nearby I thought my heart was going to burst.
Then within just moments before she did pass, her oldest sister approached, pulled up the little wooden stool as close as she could get to the bed and with a deep breath began urging her little sister tenderly, against all common sense to most, against her true heart's desire, someone she had told us that she loved beyond words...to go. "Sister, your sweet little heart is weary beyond human comprehension. You can lay your precious body down now and rise up and take flight. We will all miss you but we truly will be OK. We know you have always wanted to take care of all of us, but we promise you, we will take care of ourselves. We will take extra good care of Mother..."
And with those last words, their loved one did take one more deep breath before finally letting go.
A granddaughter requested they all join hands and pray. This young but very mature woman beautifully called upon their God for all they needed in those moments and in the days, weeks, and months ahead. She then opened her Grandmother's worn Bible and read the underlined (with red ink) 1 Peter 1: 3-9
Every winter season when this time of year rolls around, I think of them and say to myself, "Well done family. Well done."
Friday, November 22, 2013
PARTING GIFTS
This week my two sisters, our Dad and his lovely wife, Mary Ann, our Dad's twin brother, dear uncle Red and his amazing wife, Aunt Chris and myself (a round table full of us) met at Cracker Barrel in Tulsa in honor of my brother's birthday, November 21, 1956. He transitioned, as I like to say, back to Heaven on June 23, 2009.
We brought favorite photos, shared stories, laughed, sighed and just truly enjoyed one another's presence. It felt good these 4 years later to be OK about doing this. Yes, of course, we still miss him and we are truly sorry he is not physically at the table with us because he loved all of us dearly and had great stories to tell! But it's not as painful to pull out the memories now.
When grief is fresh, as I know it is for many of you right now, you are just trying to get from one day to the next, never knowing for sure when a sudden outburst of tears will spring upon you. And pushing it down doesn't make it go away! It will surface! I remember there were days I wasn't sure about going to the grocery store or the post office for fear I'd see or hear something that would drop me to my knees. Not pretty!!
But this week we were able to bravely join one another and remember. My little sister, Cindy, had this idea!! Bless her!!
Writing has been therapy for me for as long as I can remember. Sometimes when we were in the outpatient oncology unit waiting for lab work, waiting for the doctor, waiting for the chemo infusion or in the hospital with a whole 'nother realm of waiting for things...I would write in my spiral notebook journal. I can't explain scientifically how it helped, but it did.
Even in my head it felt like there were scraps of mental notes, pieces of paper fluttering around and then landing, sticking upon the blood brain barrier. I couldn't gather them, sort them yet. I left them there for later.
I read, "God remains with us in these dark places and valleys, even when we feel out of control, lost, and angry." Robert J. Miller, Grief Quest That was good to know and be reminded!
When I was able to write my book, Transitions: A Nurse's Education About Life and Death, in August of 2011, I dedicated the final chapter to those memories. It's titled, My Brother's Keeper. And yes, as I sat there typing away there were moments of slinging snot and tears as I unfurled the pent up mental notes. More than once I'd get up from that spot and usher myself to a secluded hallway and breathe that spiritual Sedona air, call upon my angels, then head back in there and start typing again. I am thankful I did journal those days and nights in 2008 and 2009!!
So, I just want to tell you that wherever you are in your journey: new marriage, unwanted divorce, surprise twins, unwelcome early retirement, The diagnosis, potty-training a puppy....journal!! I promise it helps as you write and it will bless you deep down when you read it years later.
I know without a hint of a doubt that God/Spirit/All That Is, my angels, Jesus, many others were with me in those sometimes very long days and nights with my brother....and with many others over the past 30 years as I sat at their bedsides too.
I continue to believe we are NOT ALONE wherever we are in our Journey. So, to all of you who are facing your first holidays without someone you love, I wrap my virtual arms around you and hold you in my heart and pray you Know you are not alone. I pray you truly feel the Presence of Love sweep across your soul reminding you how very precious you truly are on so many levels!
Love and Peace
Becki
We brought favorite photos, shared stories, laughed, sighed and just truly enjoyed one another's presence. It felt good these 4 years later to be OK about doing this. Yes, of course, we still miss him and we are truly sorry he is not physically at the table with us because he loved all of us dearly and had great stories to tell! But it's not as painful to pull out the memories now.
When grief is fresh, as I know it is for many of you right now, you are just trying to get from one day to the next, never knowing for sure when a sudden outburst of tears will spring upon you. And pushing it down doesn't make it go away! It will surface! I remember there were days I wasn't sure about going to the grocery store or the post office for fear I'd see or hear something that would drop me to my knees. Not pretty!!
But this week we were able to bravely join one another and remember. My little sister, Cindy, had this idea!! Bless her!!
Writing has been therapy for me for as long as I can remember. Sometimes when we were in the outpatient oncology unit waiting for lab work, waiting for the doctor, waiting for the chemo infusion or in the hospital with a whole 'nother realm of waiting for things...I would write in my spiral notebook journal. I can't explain scientifically how it helped, but it did.
Even in my head it felt like there were scraps of mental notes, pieces of paper fluttering around and then landing, sticking upon the blood brain barrier. I couldn't gather them, sort them yet. I left them there for later.
I read, "God remains with us in these dark places and valleys, even when we feel out of control, lost, and angry." Robert J. Miller, Grief Quest That was good to know and be reminded!
When I was able to write my book, Transitions: A Nurse's Education About Life and Death, in August of 2011, I dedicated the final chapter to those memories. It's titled, My Brother's Keeper. And yes, as I sat there typing away there were moments of slinging snot and tears as I unfurled the pent up mental notes. More than once I'd get up from that spot and usher myself to a secluded hallway and breathe that spiritual Sedona air, call upon my angels, then head back in there and start typing again. I am thankful I did journal those days and nights in 2008 and 2009!!
So, I just want to tell you that wherever you are in your journey: new marriage, unwanted divorce, surprise twins, unwelcome early retirement, The diagnosis, potty-training a puppy....journal!! I promise it helps as you write and it will bless you deep down when you read it years later.
I know without a hint of a doubt that God/Spirit/All That Is, my angels, Jesus, many others were with me in those sometimes very long days and nights with my brother....and with many others over the past 30 years as I sat at their bedsides too.
I continue to believe we are NOT ALONE wherever we are in our Journey. So, to all of you who are facing your first holidays without someone you love, I wrap my virtual arms around you and hold you in my heart and pray you Know you are not alone. I pray you truly feel the Presence of Love sweep across your soul reminding you how very precious you truly are on so many levels!
Love and Peace
Becki
Monday, November 18, 2013
I Am Thankful
It has been written and stated that being grateful is very good for the soul. It tends to free up selfishness, pity for ourselves, envy, and ego...all sorts of 'demons' that dance in our heads from time to time.
It has been witnessed, and heard by me (and others as well) as I sat with many over the years the halo effect that comes upon one you are with when you see and hear and feel the power of unconditional Love in a room.
May was propped up in her hospital bed with a triangle sponge type pillow. She couldn't breathe as well if she was lying down flat. Her heart was weary but her spirit was still very healthy! All her creature comforts surrounded her 'nest'. A Dutch girl handmade quilt was at the foot of the bed. Ivory eyelet and crocheted pillow slips that she had made in the 50's covered her favorite feather pillows. Her orange tabby cat, Whiskers, sat in her antique rocker in gingham upholstery next to the door in case he needed to make an escape when more visitors arrived. At times he hid under the bed when the great-grands came over.
May had sent word to her congregation at the church, her quilting group, women's prayer group, family, friends, and neighbors that she was dying and if they wanted to see her while she could still talk they best be coming within the week. And that they did.
"Why wait till I'm dressed up in that casket to pay their respects?! I'd like to see and hear them now. Bring me a rose today, not later! I can let them know if I need to quit talking and rest and they can just give me a smile, or give me a gentle hug."
And they were so respectful of her wishes, quietly tiptoeing into her space until she hollered the best she could, "Get on in here, I'm not gone yet. Let's put on those Happy Goodman Family albums. Pull up that folding chair and gather around and sing for me.
Sit here and let me tell you what you have meant to me all these years."
Some of her friends would tell me as she was visiting with others about all she had done for others in her lifetime without a proud bone in her body...simply humble and eager to make a cake, fix a pot of soup with cornbread, babysit a child after the school bus dropped them off to an empty house, visit the nursing home,...the list was endless.
I am thankful!! Thankful for all these patients, their families, their visitors, their education they have given me over the past 30 some odd years. They reminded me that We Are One Human Family. I taught them about comfort care, medication side effects, safety measures, skin care, etc. And they taught me about Life and Death. Oh! And that we are all precious in God's eyes. He sees better than we do!!
What about you today? Do you know someone you need to make a call to, send a card to, go sit on the porch with them and say to them how much you appreciate them in your life? Go on, go do it!! They will be so thankful you did!!
Peace and Love to all
Becki
It has been witnessed, and heard by me (and others as well) as I sat with many over the years the halo effect that comes upon one you are with when you see and hear and feel the power of unconditional Love in a room.
May was propped up in her hospital bed with a triangle sponge type pillow. She couldn't breathe as well if she was lying down flat. Her heart was weary but her spirit was still very healthy! All her creature comforts surrounded her 'nest'. A Dutch girl handmade quilt was at the foot of the bed. Ivory eyelet and crocheted pillow slips that she had made in the 50's covered her favorite feather pillows. Her orange tabby cat, Whiskers, sat in her antique rocker in gingham upholstery next to the door in case he needed to make an escape when more visitors arrived. At times he hid under the bed when the great-grands came over.
May had sent word to her congregation at the church, her quilting group, women's prayer group, family, friends, and neighbors that she was dying and if they wanted to see her while she could still talk they best be coming within the week. And that they did.
"Why wait till I'm dressed up in that casket to pay their respects?! I'd like to see and hear them now. Bring me a rose today, not later! I can let them know if I need to quit talking and rest and they can just give me a smile, or give me a gentle hug."
And they were so respectful of her wishes, quietly tiptoeing into her space until she hollered the best she could, "Get on in here, I'm not gone yet. Let's put on those Happy Goodman Family albums. Pull up that folding chair and gather around and sing for me.
Sit here and let me tell you what you have meant to me all these years."
Some of her friends would tell me as she was visiting with others about all she had done for others in her lifetime without a proud bone in her body...simply humble and eager to make a cake, fix a pot of soup with cornbread, babysit a child after the school bus dropped them off to an empty house, visit the nursing home,...the list was endless.
I am thankful!! Thankful for all these patients, their families, their visitors, their education they have given me over the past 30 some odd years. They reminded me that We Are One Human Family. I taught them about comfort care, medication side effects, safety measures, skin care, etc. And they taught me about Life and Death. Oh! And that we are all precious in God's eyes. He sees better than we do!!
What about you today? Do you know someone you need to make a call to, send a card to, go sit on the porch with them and say to them how much you appreciate them in your life? Go on, go do it!! They will be so thankful you did!!
Peace and Love to all
Becki
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