AN EXPERIENCE BEFORE A MOTHER'S DEATH

I am so blessed to receive emails from a few of those who have viewed my talk in Sedona, Arizona, (filmed by David Sunfellow, NHNE-NDE, who had invited me to speak,) on You-Tube (Becki Hawkins/Nurse Shares 30 Years).

A couple of days ago a gentleman from the UK sent me the email below.  I asked for his permission to share it with you. "By all means!" he said.

"Hello Becki.  I just happened across one of your videos on YouTube and it moved me so much that I wanted to share with you my experiences before my Mum's death in January this year.

I don't want to go into details, but Mum had a terrible final six months of life before she died.  She ended up having a severe stroke which left her more or less immobile and she spent the last five weeks of her life in a hospital bed.  As a result of the stroke she was unconscious most of the time, growing ever weaker because she couldn't swallow enough food to stay alive.  She was put on what was called the Liverpool Pathway, which is palliative care only treatment for patients who have no hope of recovering.

When it was clear the end was approaching, my sister, wife and I decided we would take turns staying 24/7 with Mum in hospital because she always said she didn't want to die alone.  Four days before she died I was staying with her overnight.  She was physically very weak at that point, had been unconscious for a long time and didn't respond in any meaningful way to our voices or touch.  About 2 am her eyes suddenly opened real wide and a big smile came across her face.  She tried to lift herself up, held her right arm out and waved towards the corner of the room which was dimly lit at the time.  I could see her lips moving like she was talking to someone but there were no words coming out.  Then she said, quite clearly, 'No, not yet' and then, after a short pause, 'Bye' before closing her eyes and falling back into unconsciousness.  I want to stress that, up to this point she hadn't been able to move unless the nurses moved her and certainly hadn't spoken proper words for a long time.  Two days later I was staying overnight again and, at around the same time, the same thing happened.  This time she said, 'Hiya' and then 'Yes'.  Mum died the next day.

I decided to tell my sister about what had happened.  I hadn't done so previously because she was an emotional wreck and I didn't want to upset her even more.  She went very quiet and told me that she had had the same experience when she overnighted with Mum between my two experiences.

Mum wasn't on any sedation or painkillers when this happened and neither of us saw any sign of what she was seeing.  I don't know who came for her on each of those three occasions and why she wanted to hold on the first time.  Maybe she just wanted to spend a little longer with her family around her."

This is one of the reasons I write and speak and share stories. Sharing the stories helps others to not fear death!!

I am so grateful for his email!!

WHICH RELIGION?

They gathered in the board room to discuss the evening's agenda. Some of the men were standing at the windows looking down 20 plus floors at the streets and the evening's traffic jams.  Some were sitting in their chairs drumming their pencils, making small talk about the weather and world wide predictions of global warming.

They were religious leaders from different backgrounds. The chairman of the board walked to the head of the table and stood behind his chair. His white hair was neatly combed and his stylish colorful tie had been pulled off and was laying across his chair.

"OK, I'll start with you Bill. What is your complaint with this young man that has created this disgruntlement within our committee?" He began as he continued to stand and pace slowly around the table.

Bill began without hesitation, "Well to start with he hasn't joined any of our congregations."

Many were nodding in agreement as the men took turns speaking out.

"And we aren't sure he even confesses he knows God the way we do." Fred joined in.

Each one stated their concerns while Samuel strolled around the room. He returned to his chair and spoke. "This is what I'd like for each of you to do, separately. I want you to follow him without him noticing you are anywhere nearby.  Observe his behavior, his connections, his purchases, where he likes to go everyday and then we will return here to discuss this further in two weeks."

Everyone agreed this was a great idea. Off they went to follow Alex.

As they had agreed they returned to the boardroom in two weeks. The chairman was sitting down in his chair this time. He began the meeting with a prayer. Then he began the questioning.

"I'd like to have each one of you state where you followed him to and what you observed. That is all. I don't want any commentary. Let's just start with the facts."

Bill: "I followed him to a nursing home. He was visiting an elderly woman who had just been admitted there, I found out, a few days before. I saw him praying with her."

Sam: "I followed him to a non-denominational ministry center and watched him help receive those who were filing inside to get some food and some clothes. He was cheerful and non-judgmental to each one and he was making the other volunteers laugh with some sharing of his life, etc."

Fred: "I followed him to a Hospice House. He went inside to visit a young man who was dying with AIDS.  He held him close, spoke without judgment, prayed with him and stayed there until that young man passed away a couple of hours later."

Jim:  "I followed him to a school where he had been invited to read to some lst graders. The book he was reading was about not bullying but accepting everyone no matter what their clothes looked like or how their bodies might be different, some perhaps with ambulatory difficulties, speech challenges, etc."

John:  "I followed him to recycle center where he was deep in trash and plastic bottles and cans and glass. He was whistling and humming some tune.  He never seemed to mind sorting through all that mess."

George:  "I followed him to a hillside overlooking the city. He seemed to be meditating. His eyes were closed and he was completely still in the same position for over 20 minutes. And after that he got up and went to an animal shelter where he volunteered walking the dogs and brushing some cats and playing with some kittens. He cleaned some of the empty pens and got fresh water for all of them."

The chairman spoke up again. "Did any of you see him in your church?"

All the men stated that he had donated some money to their churches. And one of the men said he was aware of him donating to the Chamber of Commerce, Red Cross, their local library, a group that helps with scholarships, and a place that harbors women needing a safe house to stay in for awhile. Each one also admitted that he had visited their church at least once in the past year.

The chairman began, "So, can anyone tell me what religion you think he might profess?"

The eldest of the group slowly rose to his feet. "I haven't been watching this young man just the past few days. I've been observing him ever since he arrived here after hearing him in a conversation at the coffee shop. And after listening to all of you I think I've clearly decided that the religion he follows is LOVE."

Meeting was adjourned.

A Visit

I love walking outside in comparison to indoors. So I walk for an hour everyday possible in our northeast Oklahoma town up and down the streets in a residential section and downtown on main street. I'm a waver, a tree-hugger, a nodder. Some drivers wave back and some stare at me like I'm from Mars. Some smile and honk their horns and some frown and make faces. God love us all!!

One day last week a gentleman stopped his car right on the street, put it in park and began to visit. He introduced himself and told me about how much his wife enjoys my articles. He said she wasn't in the best of health and one day told him she sure would love it if I'd visit her one day. How would you turn that invitation down!! He tore off a scrap of the adjacent brown paper bag in his front seat and wrote down her name and their address and phone number. He thanked me, put his car in drive and sped away.
I carried the little piece paper tightly in my hand.

I called him a few days later and made an appointment with them. Today was the day. What a cutie!! She has soft white hair, a little bit of difficulty walking, a very gentle voice and a warm smile. We settled into the rockers in their living room. I gave her my book and thought perhaps I'd stay a few minutes to chat and then hurry on to my list of Very Important Things to Do!

She thanked me for the book and then began to explain that she loves my patients' stories and how much they mean to her. She said, "I'm not afraid to die."

That's when I realized that this visit wasn't going to be a 'come and go' one. I settled in some more. Her husband excused himself to go see a friend. I think he knew what was coming.

She shared about her health, her childhood, her children, her talent of painting, showing me several really very nice pieces. She pointed to one nature setting.  "See the mushrooms in this one? My mother told me I wasn't through with this painting until I added the mushrooms."

"Your Mother?" I always pay attention to comments like this and respect them! So many have shared with me before of deceased relatives occasionally speaking to them.

She nodded.

"Your Mother speaks to you?"

"Yes, she does. We were very close." She affirmed and then went back to describing her work with the hidden mushrooms, a squirrel's nest, a hummingbird, an owl woven into the art with just a hint of where they were hiding. Each piece was serene and inviting.

"You see Becki, we all have talents given to us from God. Yours is in how you sit with people as they are dying and your writing. Mine is painting. We are suppose to use our talents.
I want you to know I pray for you and your success. I want you to know I appreciate your talents." She smiled while patting my hands.

I bent over and gathered her up close and hugged the whey out of her! "Thank you!"
We prayed together for her strength, humor, peace and all she needed for the rest of her days.

I drove home smiling at the Very Important Things to Do List idea. Sometimes Spirit/God/All That Is adds to our list a surprise.