AN EXPERIENCE BEFORE A MOTHER'S DEATH

I am so blessed to receive emails from a few of those who have viewed my talk in Sedona, Arizona, (filmed by David Sunfellow, NHNE-NDE, who had invited me to speak,) on You-Tube (Becki Hawkins/Nurse Shares 30 Years).

A couple of days ago a gentleman from the UK sent me the email below.  I asked for his permission to share it with you. "By all means!" he said.

"Hello Becki.  I just happened across one of your videos on YouTube and it moved me so much that I wanted to share with you my experiences before my Mum's death in January this year.

I don't want to go into details, but Mum had a terrible final six months of life before she died.  She ended up having a severe stroke which left her more or less immobile and she spent the last five weeks of her life in a hospital bed.  As a result of the stroke she was unconscious most of the time, growing ever weaker because she couldn't swallow enough food to stay alive.  She was put on what was called the Liverpool Pathway, which is palliative care only treatment for patients who have no hope of recovering.

When it was clear the end was approaching, my sister, wife and I decided we would take turns staying 24/7 with Mum in hospital because she always said she didn't want to die alone.  Four days before she died I was staying with her overnight.  She was physically very weak at that point, had been unconscious for a long time and didn't respond in any meaningful way to our voices or touch.  About 2 am her eyes suddenly opened real wide and a big smile came across her face.  She tried to lift herself up, held her right arm out and waved towards the corner of the room which was dimly lit at the time.  I could see her lips moving like she was talking to someone but there were no words coming out.  Then she said, quite clearly, 'No, not yet' and then, after a short pause, 'Bye' before closing her eyes and falling back into unconsciousness.  I want to stress that, up to this point she hadn't been able to move unless the nurses moved her and certainly hadn't spoken proper words for a long time.  Two days later I was staying overnight again and, at around the same time, the same thing happened.  This time she said, 'Hiya' and then 'Yes'.  Mum died the next day.

I decided to tell my sister about what had happened.  I hadn't done so previously because she was an emotional wreck and I didn't want to upset her even more.  She went very quiet and told me that she had had the same experience when she overnighted with Mum between my two experiences.

Mum wasn't on any sedation or painkillers when this happened and neither of us saw any sign of what she was seeing.  I don't know who came for her on each of those three occasions and why she wanted to hold on the first time.  Maybe she just wanted to spend a little longer with her family around her."

This is one of the reasons I write and speak and share stories. Sharing the stories helps others to not fear death!!

I am so grateful for his email!!

FAMILY REUNION

Often many of us neglect to connect with family, near and/or far.  We are busy we say.  and we also say, "I'd rather golf. I need to attend an important business meeting.  It's too far to travel.  I don't really have anything in common with those people anymore." Etc., etc.!!

When my sister-n-law told us she was putting together a family reunion with my husband's grandmother's siblings' children I thought, "Well, I won't know any of these people. Maybe I should stay home and catch up on...something?"

We arrived Friday evening at the darling Lee's Resort on Grand Lake O' The Cherokees in northeast Oklahoma.  The resort is perched high upon a bluff overlooking the lake.  Oklahoma spring winds were creating a rainfall of pollen and oak droppings. There were multiple shades of green everywhere.  Small water fountains, a man-made flowing stream, flowerbeds with name tags of what was planted and who lovingly planted it caught my attention.  We each had our own quaint little cabin and were warmly greeted by the owners in the 'cook shack'.  And I must say the breakfast hash browns were the best I've ever tasted in my life!

My husband's grandmother was one of 8 siblings.  So it was hard for me to keep track of who was from which sibling.  Soon, it didn't matter anymore.  We became one.  Stories were flowing from childhood memories, weddings, funerals, and the grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary.  These precious cousins were arriving from California, Louisiana, Texas, Oregon, Kansas, Colorado, Maryland and our lovely state capitol. One dear group of siblings had a sister and brother who had not seen one another in 17 years!! What a reunion that was!!!

I loved just watching all of them laugh, shed a few tears, nod in agreement and share, "Remember the time..?"

There were many activities: fishing, boating, sea-do riding, walking, cooking, and a skit from an old Jack Parr show enacted! There were wee ones, toddles, adolescents, lovebirds, and us older folk.

I also especially enjoyed hearing some stories begin with, "Our Mother..."

The really fun part was the sharing of photos from 'back when'.  Each person brought family photo albums or boxes of photos from childhood or before.  Those 8 siblings were beautiful and brilliant and each had a great sense of humor it seemed.  An old movie that was filmed by my husband's uncle in the 50's of an anniversary of the great grandparents was digitally changed to a DVD by a family member and we watch it with great enjoyment!!

And one dear cousin's wife, knowing about my career, shared with me a couple of stories about loved ones who were nearing death and speaking to their sisters who had transitioned years before.  They were standing at the foot of the bed she said, ready to assist in the 'journey'.

Well, needless to say, I wouldn't have missed this!! It rates as one of the best weekends of my life!  I made a whole new connection to some pretty awesome souls!

It taught me to rethink how 'busy' I think I am.  I need to get my side of the family together!! Kind of like herding cats! I'll start with having lunch with my sisters!! And get my Dad and his sweet wife in the car and go see my Aunt Chris and Uncle Red!!

Sunday we headed home and topped the day off with our lovely daughter and her precious husband and our beloved grandson #1 for a late lunch on Mother's Day! And the sweetest text from grandson #2 came later that night wishing me a Happy Mother's Day! Priceless!

I've been told by more than one that we choose ahead of time who we will 'be family' with when we come to Earth.  Many would agree, many would disagree.  I certainly can't prove that one way or the other.

But with all the challenges, all the celebrations, I wouldn't trade my tribe for anyone else's tribe.   I'm so thankful for my roots with my birth family and so very proud to be Mrs. Becki Hawkins.  My husband and his sisters were a treat to watch this past weekend...all smiles!!

Parting shot, make time...plan a family reunion!