This week my two sisters, our Dad and his lovely wife, Mary Ann, our Dad's twin brother, dear uncle Red and his amazing wife, Aunt Chris and myself (a round table full of us) met at Cracker Barrel in Tulsa in honor of my brother's birthday, November 21, 1956. He transitioned, as I like to say, back to Heaven on June 23, 2009.
We brought favorite photos, shared stories, laughed, sighed and just truly enjoyed one another's presence. It felt good these 4 years later to be OK about doing this. Yes, of course, we still miss him and we are truly sorry he is not physically at the table with us because he loved all of us dearly and had great stories to tell! But it's not as painful to pull out the memories now.
When grief is fresh, as I know it is for many of you right now, you are just trying to get from one day to the next, never knowing for sure when a sudden outburst of tears will spring upon you. And pushing it down doesn't make it go away! It will surface! I remember there were days I wasn't sure about going to the grocery store or the post office for fear I'd see or hear something that would drop me to my knees. Not pretty!!
But this week we were able to bravely join one another and remember. My little sister, Cindy, had this idea!! Bless her!!
Writing has been therapy for me for as long as I can remember. Sometimes when we were in the outpatient oncology unit waiting for lab work, waiting for the doctor, waiting for the chemo infusion or in the hospital with a whole 'nother realm of waiting for things...I would write in my spiral notebook journal. I can't explain scientifically how it helped, but it did.
Even in my head it felt like there were scraps of mental notes, pieces of paper fluttering around and then landing, sticking upon the blood brain barrier. I couldn't gather them, sort them yet. I left them there for later.
I read, "God remains with us in these dark places and valleys, even when we feel out of control, lost, and angry." Robert J. Miller, Grief Quest That was good to know and be reminded!
When I was able to write my book, Transitions: A Nurse's Education About Life and Death, in August of 2011, I dedicated the final chapter to those memories. It's titled, My Brother's Keeper. And yes, as I sat there typing away there were moments of slinging snot and tears as I unfurled the pent up mental notes. More than once I'd get up from that spot and usher myself to a secluded hallway and breathe that spiritual Sedona air, call upon my angels, then head back in there and start typing again. I am thankful I did journal those days and nights in 2008 and 2009!!
So, I just want to tell you that wherever you are in your journey: new marriage, unwanted divorce, surprise twins, unwelcome early retirement, The diagnosis, potty-training a puppy....journal!! I promise it helps as you write and it will bless you deep down when you read it years later.
I know without a hint of a doubt that God/Spirit/All That Is, my angels, Jesus, many others were with me in those sometimes very long days and nights with my brother....and with many others over the past 30 years as I sat at their bedsides too.
I continue to believe we are NOT ALONE wherever we are in our Journey. So, to all of you who are facing your first holidays without someone you love, I wrap my virtual arms around you and hold you in my heart and pray you Know you are not alone. I pray you truly feel the Presence of Love sweep across your soul reminding you how very precious you truly are on so many levels!
Love and Peace
Becki
Friday, November 22, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
I Am Thankful
It has been written and stated that being grateful is very good for the soul. It tends to free up selfishness, pity for ourselves, envy, and ego...all sorts of 'demons' that dance in our heads from time to time.
It has been witnessed, and heard by me (and others as well) as I sat with many over the years the halo effect that comes upon one you are with when you see and hear and feel the power of unconditional Love in a room.
May was propped up in her hospital bed with a triangle sponge type pillow. She couldn't breathe as well if she was lying down flat. Her heart was weary but her spirit was still very healthy! All her creature comforts surrounded her 'nest'. A Dutch girl handmade quilt was at the foot of the bed. Ivory eyelet and crocheted pillow slips that she had made in the 50's covered her favorite feather pillows. Her orange tabby cat, Whiskers, sat in her antique rocker in gingham upholstery next to the door in case he needed to make an escape when more visitors arrived. At times he hid under the bed when the great-grands came over.
May had sent word to her congregation at the church, her quilting group, women's prayer group, family, friends, and neighbors that she was dying and if they wanted to see her while she could still talk they best be coming within the week. And that they did.
"Why wait till I'm dressed up in that casket to pay their respects?! I'd like to see and hear them now. Bring me a rose today, not later! I can let them know if I need to quit talking and rest and they can just give me a smile, or give me a gentle hug."
And they were so respectful of her wishes, quietly tiptoeing into her space until she hollered the best she could, "Get on in here, I'm not gone yet. Let's put on those Happy Goodman Family albums. Pull up that folding chair and gather around and sing for me.
Sit here and let me tell you what you have meant to me all these years."
Some of her friends would tell me as she was visiting with others about all she had done for others in her lifetime without a proud bone in her body...simply humble and eager to make a cake, fix a pot of soup with cornbread, babysit a child after the school bus dropped them off to an empty house, visit the nursing home,...the list was endless.
I am thankful!! Thankful for all these patients, their families, their visitors, their education they have given me over the past 30 some odd years. They reminded me that We Are One Human Family. I taught them about comfort care, medication side effects, safety measures, skin care, etc. And they taught me about Life and Death. Oh! And that we are all precious in God's eyes. He sees better than we do!!
What about you today? Do you know someone you need to make a call to, send a card to, go sit on the porch with them and say to them how much you appreciate them in your life? Go on, go do it!! They will be so thankful you did!!
Peace and Love to all
Becki
It has been witnessed, and heard by me (and others as well) as I sat with many over the years the halo effect that comes upon one you are with when you see and hear and feel the power of unconditional Love in a room.
May was propped up in her hospital bed with a triangle sponge type pillow. She couldn't breathe as well if she was lying down flat. Her heart was weary but her spirit was still very healthy! All her creature comforts surrounded her 'nest'. A Dutch girl handmade quilt was at the foot of the bed. Ivory eyelet and crocheted pillow slips that she had made in the 50's covered her favorite feather pillows. Her orange tabby cat, Whiskers, sat in her antique rocker in gingham upholstery next to the door in case he needed to make an escape when more visitors arrived. At times he hid under the bed when the great-grands came over.
May had sent word to her congregation at the church, her quilting group, women's prayer group, family, friends, and neighbors that she was dying and if they wanted to see her while she could still talk they best be coming within the week. And that they did.
"Why wait till I'm dressed up in that casket to pay their respects?! I'd like to see and hear them now. Bring me a rose today, not later! I can let them know if I need to quit talking and rest and they can just give me a smile, or give me a gentle hug."
And they were so respectful of her wishes, quietly tiptoeing into her space until she hollered the best she could, "Get on in here, I'm not gone yet. Let's put on those Happy Goodman Family albums. Pull up that folding chair and gather around and sing for me.
Sit here and let me tell you what you have meant to me all these years."
Some of her friends would tell me as she was visiting with others about all she had done for others in her lifetime without a proud bone in her body...simply humble and eager to make a cake, fix a pot of soup with cornbread, babysit a child after the school bus dropped them off to an empty house, visit the nursing home,...the list was endless.
I am thankful!! Thankful for all these patients, their families, their visitors, their education they have given me over the past 30 some odd years. They reminded me that We Are One Human Family. I taught them about comfort care, medication side effects, safety measures, skin care, etc. And they taught me about Life and Death. Oh! And that we are all precious in God's eyes. He sees better than we do!!
What about you today? Do you know someone you need to make a call to, send a card to, go sit on the porch with them and say to them how much you appreciate them in your life? Go on, go do it!! They will be so thankful you did!!
Peace and Love to all
Becki
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)