It's not like I feel I'm in a foreign environment in a hospital. I know the lay of the land. I'm in a waiting area and observing. There is enough right before me to fill a lengthy prayer list. Observing human behavior has always been one of my interests.
Some walk through those front doors like they own the place and others would give anything to be anywhere else. There are those who would rather not sit next to anyone while waiting. Body language tells many stories.
I can see one dear soul as she gently sits in the chair balancing herself while not using either hand to lower herself in the chair. She is very pale and appears also very weary. We are all in this area waiting for directions, one by one, to move to another area for personal information to be recorded by the hospital before being seen.
At one point an employee is standing behind me calling out a name. I can see this woman I've previously described trying to edge her way to the end of her seat to try to stand. The employee gets louder calling out the name. The woman in the chair is weakly speaking, "I'm here."
Again the employee calls out the name. I turn to the employee and say, "She's right there." As I'm pointing to her. "She's trying to get out of her chair."
The employee kindly asks, "May I get you a wheelchair?" The woman declined, was able to stand and slowly walk to the woman calling out to her. She turned to me and whispered, "Thank you, I cannot use my arms to get out of a chair. I had a shoulder replacement and it became infected and they had to do another surgery and then my other shoulder as well."
I smiled at her and said, "I'm so sorry. I'll send up some prayers for you." She nodded in appreciation and slowly went her way. I sat there for a few moments and gave thanks for my healthy joints. And then asked for healing for her and peace to fill her as well.
The remaining crowd stared at me with different expressions. I turned to my iPhone to check for messages. I tried to isolate myself a little.
You see, I'm an empath. And what that means is I feel another's fear, their anger, their passion, their love, their anxiety when I'm in close approximation to them. It can be a gift and it can be uncomfortable at times. Being a hospice nurse years ago was a challenge. I would carry so much home with me and often sit in the shower on the floor of the shower as the warm water mingled with my tears. It took me awhile to learn how to be present and not take it all home with me.
We are all, at one time or another, standing with, sitting with, listening over the phone with, our friends or family or someone we remotely know reaching out to us for: a shoulder, an ear, some comforting words. Years with others as patients or family or loved ones has taught me to be present and not try to "fix it". But instead to truly listen without formulating a reply before they even finish saying what they want me to truly hear. And sometimes they don't want a reply. They want me to just be still and really listen.
That waiting room was so full of so many emotions: fear, anxiety, happiness, joy, ....and I truly believe that waiting room was also full of angels.
