One of my favorite verses in Scripture is "Teach us to number our days, Oh Lord, and apply our hearts unto wisdom." One dear little lady patient of mine many years ago made this verse even more special one day.
She was 65 years old and I was 30. I thought at that time she was elderly. Silly me!! I was in her hospital room to assess her post chemo vital signs, and overall assessment. After looking her over from head to toe and satisfied that 'all was well', she said, "Let me get up and walk over to that east window. I want to see out there where all those cars are whizzing by. I have never been up this high in a building before I started coming up here to get these cancer treatments. Lordy, look how far away it seems, almost like it is a pretend picture!"
I was trying to steady her ambling that way with her IV pole and her tiny blue patterned hospital gown flapping in the breeze with her limping gait. She wore one gown frontwards and one gown backwards for a make-shift robe. She said it wasn't proper to let one's backside be seen in public.
"Ok, that's enough for now. Let's walk me one trip around that nurse's station before I settle in for a little morning nap. None of these other patients in here give a rat's patootie if the few hairs left on my head, due to all these treatments, are standing straight up on end." So off we went, slowly but with aim.
"Say Nurse, you believe in Jesus?" she asked while being careful in her hospital assigned non-slip house shoes.
"Yes, I do believe in Jesus. I find myself talking to Him up here frequently." I answered wondering where this conversation was headed. However, I was never bored with patient conversation.
"Well, that's neither here nor there, but I was thinking about that verse that talks about us being sharp enough to number our days. The doctor said I'm going to be just fine after we get all these treatments and radiation done. I don't know why he's so certain. I think that's pretty much up to a mix of how positive I am, the medicine, and God's will. We did, though, find this cancer early enough that we'll probably be able to knock 'er down and with a 'one-two punch' of that radiation we'll snuff 'er out. Still, it causes one to pause in these circumstances. Let's sit on that orange visitor's bench by my door.
I know you are a busy girl up here, but I just got a few more words to spit out. This has made me realize that at any moment you may be asked for what you least expect. I was minding my own business on our little farm about 45 miles from here. I'd get up at the crack of dawn and fix Leroy his biscuits and eggs and bacon and coffee. Then I did the dishes and swept and mopped the kitchen floor. Leroy is messy. Then I head out to the garden before it gets hot and hoe a little and see what needs pickin' and glean what I can.
Then I start in on laundry and try to get those bed sheets and bath towels on the clothesline before checking the hen house for eggs. And before you know it, it's time to fix lunch. I make my own cornbread from scratch every day and we like having a little piece of meat fried up, some green beans or such. Always enjoy our sliced beefsteak tomatoes too when they are ripe for picking. Those you buy in the store taste like plastic. I'll be glad to get my tastebuds back in order. Everything right now tastes like cardboard!
Well, on it goes till dark. Then before we head to bed we sit in the living room and watch that channel on our TV that our daughter got us that plays those ole time western shows. And some times we watch those old shows from the days of Andy of Mayberry. What was I talking about? Oh! I remember.
You see, I just never counted on this. All we've done is work and go to church and every now and then we might go see the kids in Oklahoma City. But that's rare. Leroy doesn't like that traffic.
By now I was day dreaming of my grand parents' farm when she got my attention. "Hey! Are you listening to me? Well, what I was going to say is that I'm aiming to change my life a mite, good Lord willing."
"How's that? I mean, in what way?" I asked while we started making our way back to her room.
"I have spare garden bounty and I have extra canned goods too that I can share. I'm pretty good with my Singer sewing machine even if I say so myself. I can make some aprons or pot holders and tea towels and the like for that little mission our church sends stuff to, across the ocean.
And I'm going to work on being nicer to my nosey neighbor that gossips like it's her calling. That will be harder than sewing! We don't have a lot of spare money, but there's plenty we can do than just doing for ourselves.
OK, now close those blinds some. I need to nap a spell before someone comes in here and wakes me up to give me a sleeping pill. And why in the name of all that's good does that orderly come in here at 4 am and wake me up to weigh me? That's a poor business decision in my opinion!"
She did do well. And after her last treatment and last tests months later, she never had to come back to see us. I hope she had many more good years on her farm. Cancer is not a diagnosis anyone wants, but over the years I had so many patients and/or family members share with me what gifts cancer gave them as well, in spite of the diagnosis.
Monday, April 21, 2014
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
A VISIT
I received a post by a lady who wanted to share an experience with me. I asked her if I could share with you as well. I think each of these stories I receive from others has a gift woven within.
Here is her story:
"I was a CNA (certified nursing assistant) in a nursing home when I was younger and the first time someone passed away I, too, ran and cried. It was hard but I learned a lot about death and near death experiences.
My husband took his life when I was 28 years old. I was young and scared with a son, 2 years old. One week after he died he came to me. It was not a dream. He woke me up and told me he was sorry and that he'd always be watching out for us. He even told me to look in our dictionary under the letter L and I would find some money he'd put there. I asked him to stay and he said he couldn't. He kissed me and walked out the front door. Becki, I can tell you that I was at such peace when he left. Even the lighting in the room was soft and beautiful And this was at night and there were no lights on.
I told my sisters and friends but at the time they just thought I was dreaming and grieving. What I couldn't get them to understand is that he brought me such peace and comfort that night. Funny thing was my sister was with me the next morning when I got out the old dictionary. I think she believed me after that.
It was a long time ago when that happened, but I know whose hand I'll reach for when I go home. Even typing this brings that peaceful feeling back to me. Hope you can read this as my cat is hanging over my arm. He sends his love too.
Love you and bless you, Jean"
Of course we know that not everyone is gifted with these visits, but those who tell us about their visions, or visits remind us that our loved ones do care about us even after they are in another realm. All of these people who are sharing with me help me to remember how precious our relationships are every day. I want to make sure I tell my husband I love him madly before he leaves for work each day. I want to send text messages to my grandsons and phone calls to our daughter, touch base with my Dad and sisters, email or call friends...just to say "Hello! I am thankful for our journey together, I am blessed by your presence in my life, and in God's timing, the circle will be unbroken." It is all brief and fragile and precious! Embrace your gift of Life! You matter to so many on more than one level!
In Love and Light!
Becki
Here is her story:
"I was a CNA (certified nursing assistant) in a nursing home when I was younger and the first time someone passed away I, too, ran and cried. It was hard but I learned a lot about death and near death experiences.
My husband took his life when I was 28 years old. I was young and scared with a son, 2 years old. One week after he died he came to me. It was not a dream. He woke me up and told me he was sorry and that he'd always be watching out for us. He even told me to look in our dictionary under the letter L and I would find some money he'd put there. I asked him to stay and he said he couldn't. He kissed me and walked out the front door. Becki, I can tell you that I was at such peace when he left. Even the lighting in the room was soft and beautiful And this was at night and there were no lights on.
I told my sisters and friends but at the time they just thought I was dreaming and grieving. What I couldn't get them to understand is that he brought me such peace and comfort that night. Funny thing was my sister was with me the next morning when I got out the old dictionary. I think she believed me after that.
It was a long time ago when that happened, but I know whose hand I'll reach for when I go home. Even typing this brings that peaceful feeling back to me. Hope you can read this as my cat is hanging over my arm. He sends his love too.
Love you and bless you, Jean"
Of course we know that not everyone is gifted with these visits, but those who tell us about their visions, or visits remind us that our loved ones do care about us even after they are in another realm. All of these people who are sharing with me help me to remember how precious our relationships are every day. I want to make sure I tell my husband I love him madly before he leaves for work each day. I want to send text messages to my grandsons and phone calls to our daughter, touch base with my Dad and sisters, email or call friends...just to say "Hello! I am thankful for our journey together, I am blessed by your presence in my life, and in God's timing, the circle will be unbroken." It is all brief and fragile and precious! Embrace your gift of Life! You matter to so many on more than one level!
In Love and Light!
Becki
Monday, April 7, 2014
LIFE IS A CIRCLE
Occasionally I receive emails from someone who has visited my YouTube video: Transitions/Nurse Shares 30 Years of Spiritual Experiences filmed by David Sunfellow when I spoke in Sedona, or has read my book about some of my patients' experiences with pre-death visions or NDEs , near death experiences.
They remind me afresh of how truly connected we are, how brief it all is upon this Earth even if you live to be 110, how miraculous each love connection is for us as we live and as we die.
One email came from a dear lady who wanted to share with me about her experiences of "the time I thought I was drowning" and "the experience I had with my Mom". She gave me permission to share this.
"The first was in college. I went swimming and got caught in an undertow that went beneath a pile of giant boulders. I tried desperately to not go under but did. BOOM! Instant relax! Then a grayish-blue tunnel or circular and cloudy path. First dark, then light. But as I said I did not get to the end as I heard the voice that said "not yet". I do not know how I was jettisoned out and do not recall how I climbed onto the river rock on the other side. My boyfriend at that time had climbed over the top of the boulders and came to my side. All I could do was sit there Yet, it changes you. I'm not afraid of death as I know there is more. Life is a circle.
In my Mom's case, she was severely diabetic, fell, and started to go through kidney failure. I, of course, kept hoping she'd get better...but I knew. She was on heavy pain killers and in and out of lucid thought. I sang 'Home on the Range' hoping that she'd hear me. Then five minutes later while I was talking with the nurse and my daughter, Mom started to sing, 'where the deer and the antelopes play'. I knew that she knew I was there. I left for a few hours realizing how little time was left. Before I left she shouted, "Fertilize the flowers!" I thought about it. At her parents, my Dad's and my step-father's services she had the song, In the Garden, sung. I knew.
When I got back to her bedside I used my cell phone to pull up the words and I sang them once through, sang it again, and she died just as I finished. Amazing...just went to sleep. I now believe that whatever it was that went through me when she died was the last of her energy, or spirit. It was pretty powerful. I think she did it on purpose, as a gift, to help me deal with her loss and all of the issues I now would have to face and finish for her.
I will never forget how her faced opened up when she "saw" my Dad before she died. Such a look of surprise!! Then she started "kissing" the air/him...awesome, in the definitive sense. I told Mom it was time. She was born in Star, Texas and now, she is a star.
You can use my information I have here. If it gives anyone hope, all the better. Thank you!"
The movie, Heaven is for Real, is coming out soon. I've heard so many stories, I won't miss it!
David Sunfellow has on his website NHNE-NDE a quote in his new newsletter. It is by NDEr Reasearcher Kenneth Ring, from Lessons from the Light
"To dwell on the nature of the afterlife may divert us from paying attention to THIS life, where the lessons from the Light need to be practiced...The true promise of the NDE is not so much what it suggests about an afterlife--as inspiring and comforting as those glimpses are--but what it says about how to live NOW...to learn from NDErs about how to live, or how to live better, with greater self-awareness, self-compassion, and concern for others. Live well, and death will take care of itself."
I agree. I love to hear the stories, but I hope to learn from them how to pay attention to this day, this life and to remember that we are told from those who share their 'life reviews' when they arrive, that every thought, every word, every deed matters more than we can imagine!
In Love and Light!
Becki
They remind me afresh of how truly connected we are, how brief it all is upon this Earth even if you live to be 110, how miraculous each love connection is for us as we live and as we die.
One email came from a dear lady who wanted to share with me about her experiences of "the time I thought I was drowning" and "the experience I had with my Mom". She gave me permission to share this.
"The first was in college. I went swimming and got caught in an undertow that went beneath a pile of giant boulders. I tried desperately to not go under but did. BOOM! Instant relax! Then a grayish-blue tunnel or circular and cloudy path. First dark, then light. But as I said I did not get to the end as I heard the voice that said "not yet". I do not know how I was jettisoned out and do not recall how I climbed onto the river rock on the other side. My boyfriend at that time had climbed over the top of the boulders and came to my side. All I could do was sit there Yet, it changes you. I'm not afraid of death as I know there is more. Life is a circle.
In my Mom's case, she was severely diabetic, fell, and started to go through kidney failure. I, of course, kept hoping she'd get better...but I knew. She was on heavy pain killers and in and out of lucid thought. I sang 'Home on the Range' hoping that she'd hear me. Then five minutes later while I was talking with the nurse and my daughter, Mom started to sing, 'where the deer and the antelopes play'. I knew that she knew I was there. I left for a few hours realizing how little time was left. Before I left she shouted, "Fertilize the flowers!" I thought about it. At her parents, my Dad's and my step-father's services she had the song, In the Garden, sung. I knew.
When I got back to her bedside I used my cell phone to pull up the words and I sang them once through, sang it again, and she died just as I finished. Amazing...just went to sleep. I now believe that whatever it was that went through me when she died was the last of her energy, or spirit. It was pretty powerful. I think she did it on purpose, as a gift, to help me deal with her loss and all of the issues I now would have to face and finish for her.
I will never forget how her faced opened up when she "saw" my Dad before she died. Such a look of surprise!! Then she started "kissing" the air/him...awesome, in the definitive sense. I told Mom it was time. She was born in Star, Texas and now, she is a star.
You can use my information I have here. If it gives anyone hope, all the better. Thank you!"
The movie, Heaven is for Real, is coming out soon. I've heard so many stories, I won't miss it!
David Sunfellow has on his website NHNE-NDE a quote in his new newsletter. It is by NDEr Reasearcher Kenneth Ring, from Lessons from the Light
"To dwell on the nature of the afterlife may divert us from paying attention to THIS life, where the lessons from the Light need to be practiced...The true promise of the NDE is not so much what it suggests about an afterlife--as inspiring and comforting as those glimpses are--but what it says about how to live NOW...to learn from NDErs about how to live, or how to live better, with greater self-awareness, self-compassion, and concern for others. Live well, and death will take care of itself."
I agree. I love to hear the stories, but I hope to learn from them how to pay attention to this day, this life and to remember that we are told from those who share their 'life reviews' when they arrive, that every thought, every word, every deed matters more than we can imagine!
In Love and Light!
Becki
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)